Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
