How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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