so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
