it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i out mim tonsoeep
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