He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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