Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
