Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
