Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
