No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
