I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
