i don't like sucking hair
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
