I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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