I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
