I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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