Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He kissed a someone with a penis
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
