You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
