i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she peed on how many people?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
