i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
