i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
