yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dignity is for republicans.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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