If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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