Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
