You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
