just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
jump out the window naked night went bad
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
