left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
