I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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