i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
