did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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