i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
