Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
