Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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