I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
