Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
