is your mom at the bar?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
