I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
As shirtless as possible
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
