My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
