Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
