saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
