Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
