I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I am naked and annoyed.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
