Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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