I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
