Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
