Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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