Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
