i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
