totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
