oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
