He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
