I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
