mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
