Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
